Sunday is Amelie and Adaline's second birthday. A year has flown by. . .an endless winter, too short spring, and pleasant summer. A year filled with sleepless nights caring for a newborn, days of teaching piano and voice lessons, a trip to California, and hours of trying to decide which homeschool method to begin with Hayden this fall.
In other words, life is getting back to normal.
This is a new normal. One in which joy and grief exist side by side.
For me, this year has been about figuring what my marriage looks like after losing two babies and parenting two living children.
This year has been about letting go of some of my ambitions and being content with the role of parent. It's an uneasy but necessary sacrifice for me.
This year has been about eating whatever I want. Then realizing that I probably shouldn't.
This year has been about finding my identity without the label of "lead singer of a band" and "mom who lost conjoined twins."
It's been about Disney princesses and pureed carrots and celebrating new nieces and decorating my glassed-in porch.
I don't spend every waking minute thinking about Amelie and Adaline. But not a day passes when they don't cross my mind.
The legacy they left is profound. Their story has reached into hurting hearts of people I've never met. It's caused me to start working on a compilation project of songs of hope for couples who experience infant loss.
This Sunday we will celebrate Amelie and Adaline. We will look at pictures and release balloons. Our nine month old son Lincoln will join our celebration this year. Hayden will eat ice cream and blow out candles. We will open our keepsakes and touch the blanket they shared, read some of the birthday cards they received, and spend time thanking God for them.
Then on Monday, we will begin another year of our new normal. And it will be good.
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